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Twitter Users Try to Imagine What God Was Thinking When He Created Things

Emily Johnson — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 14:34:00 +0000

Religion has always been an abstract thing based on faith without much evidence. Every person has a different interpretation of what God is, but this twitter thread is one of the most hilarious things we’ve read recently.

People have gathered to write about what they think happened when God was creating certain species and objects. Some jokes are obvious, while the others are truly creative, but they all made us laugh out loud.

Ready to learn why parrots live in tropical climate or why oceans are salty? Just read the tweets we picked out for you below!

[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"
— regular matt (@matt___nelson) June 18, 2016

God: you can repeat everything you hear.

Parrot: humans are the worst and I’m probably gonna kill them in a flood soon.

God:

Parrot:

God: what’s it gonna take to keep this quiet?

Parrot: I wanna live in a Tropical Paradise.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 21, 2018

GOD: 8
ANGEL: 9!
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
GOD: 15!!
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
GOD: 30!!
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
ANGEL: LMAO
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018

Corgi: why are my legs so short?

God: that’s just what legs look like.

Corgi: oh cool.

[giraffe walks by]

Corgi:

God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2019

GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made

ANGELS: [confused applause]
— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019

[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
— flaubert flav (@themiltron) June 8, 2015

God: what are they doing down there?
Angel: they are making milk from almonds
God: what?! I gave them, like, 8 animals to get milk from
A: they dont like that milk
God: [mockingly] tHey DonT LiKe THat miLk *flips a table*
— The Dad (@thedad) August 20, 2018

God: you can breathe underwater!

Fish: nice.

God: also eat and drink underwater.

Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?

God:

Fish: just on the land or something?
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 13, 2019

Swordfish: my nose looks ridiculous.

God: at least you have a cool name.

Swordfish: so?

God: I could have made you look ridiculous AND have a dumb name.

Swordfish: but why would you do that to someone?

Hammerhead Shark: yes God why would you do that to someone?
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 16, 2019

GOD: there, my first animal
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
G:like this*shimmies*
S:
G:just kinda*shimmies*
S:dude
— tater tot bros (@thetits) February 8, 2016

Mammoth: [slides $20 across the table] I need you to take out the Dinosaurs.

God: [pocketing money] how do you want it done?

Mammoth: make it look like an accident.

God: I’ll hit em with a rock.

Mammoth: what? no I said an accident.

God: a big ole space rock.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 11, 2019

[God making coconuts]

ANGEL: Hair on the outside?

GOD: Yes

ANGEL: Milk on the inside?

GOD: Yes

ANGEL: So, this is another mammal?

GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, no
— Roxi Horror (@roxiqt) February 3, 2019

[Biblical Times]

God: oh shit

Angel: what?

God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
— robotic crab (beep) (@roboticcrab) October 24, 2018

[god creating seahorses]

angel: any more ideas for animals?

god: ok, what if tiny saxophones could swim
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) May 20, 2018

God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.

Butterfly: yeah I better be.

God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 21, 2018

Octopus: I’m just saying eight legs is too many legs, I look ridiculous.

God: oh. ok. hey snake?

Snake: what’s up?

God: octopus, tell snake what you told me.

Octopus:
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) July 28, 2018

[god creating mushrooms]

god: some go on pizzas
angel: ooo tasty
god: some make you trip balls
angel: um
god: and some just fucking kill you
angel: you ok buddy?
— Skoog (@Skoogeth) July 23, 2018

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